‘How To Make Your Wife Submit To Your Authority’: Christian Blog Teaches Men To Dominate Their Wives

By Kerry-anne Mendoza | 26 March 2015
Addicting Info

A blog post by an American Christian missionary entitled “How To Make Your Wife Submit To Your Authority – 6 Tips” has gone viral around the world.

Written by Caleb Suko in August 2013 for his Suko Family blog, the post has resurfaced again recently as Christian men and women across the world share it as the perfect example of Christian marriage.

“Alright men here’s another post for you! Let’s not beat around the bush, the Bible commands our wives to submit to us!

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. Eph 5:22

Simple commands however are not always easy to follow and sometimes our wives need our help in learning to submit. Thankfully, I have a few good tips for you that will help your wife fulfill her Biblical role.”

So begins this worrying article.

The post exemplifies the insidiousness of this brand of Christian Conservative sexism – while the woman is notionally celebrated, she is simultaneously chastened.

Some of the tips are basic behaviors that would make any man or woman a great partner. The issue here is that instead of doing these things to elevate their wives, men are instructed to do them to subjugate their wives.

The most clear example would be Tip 1 – Become Her Friend. Anyone in a strong and intimate relationship knows this is a winner:

“Make sure she knows that you value her companionship, find ways to relax together and engage her in heartfelt conversation.” Suko writes.

But for Suko, the reason to become her best friend is not simply to edify her, but to make submission easier.

“It will be easier and more pleasant for her to submit to you as a friend than for her to submit to you as a harsh master!”

Anyone, subjected to slavery, would choose a kind master over a harsh. But whether your master is harsh or fair, you are still a slave.

Another tip instructs men to serve their wives:

“When you come through that door after work don’t automatically expect that your wife has waited all day to run circles around you and make sure you are comfortable and well fed.”

A wonderful concept – neither partner should ever take the other’s presence for granted, particularly when a decision has been made that one partner is primarily responsible for the home, and the other for generating income. However, this really doesn’t need to be gendered – and we sure as hell shouldn’t be serving our partner just so they better serve us.

The responses from men and women to the blog are equally concerning, for those inside and outside of the Christian community. All point to the submitted wife as the optimal state for the relationship.

Some men feel they are the channel of God himself in the home:

Another user helpfully points out that husbands should also be ‘encouraging’ their wives to have the right sort of friends:

The next response, from a self-declared pastor, compares women to children.

All these behaviors are ultimately about maintaining male dominance over women.

I have no doubt that these men want to dominate their wives in the kindest, most compassionate way they can – but it is still domination. True partnership rests on equality – equal autonomy, respect and support.

The Power and Control wheel below outlines the kinds of behaviors used by abusive partners to emotionally or physically dominate. Several of the tips in the blog, and the comments in response, fall into the left side of the circle. The problem is, the kinds of flowery language and loving tones used in articles like Suko’s leave people blind to the underlying issue – patriarchal control of women.

But one thing should ring alarm bells in our minds here: the title of the article and the opening lines.

The post is not called “6 Ways To Be  A Fabulous Husband,” or “How To Make Sure Your Wife Knows She Is Loved.”

No.

It is called “How To Make Your Wife Submit To Your Authority.”

These men are not seeking to stand next to their wives, but over them. These posts are everywhere, as this simple Google search will attest. Wives being sent to their rooms like children, tips for “training” your woman, men demanding nothing less than complete submission by their female partners – it’s all out there.

The Apartheid-style rules enforced by this brand of Christianity bind men and women into arbitrary and unhelpful roles, and reinforce the most dangerous behaviors in heterosexual relationships. These are the same rules that the Christian Conservative/Evangelical wing of the U.S. Republican party are now working to turn into legislation – making “God’s law” federal law. These groups are busily working the most repressive interpretations of Christian law into the American legal system, and it’s on all liberal, progressive Americans to stop them.

Kerry-anne Mendoza is an independent journalist. She is well known for investigative reports on politics, economics and social policy and is author of Amazon best-seller “Austerity: The Demolition of the Welfare State and the Rise of the Zombie Economy”.

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165 COMMENTS

  1. Your article, caleb, is the kind of bullshit that creates atheism.

    Jesus, forgive the arrogance displayed by your children and bring our eyes and hearts back to you… forgive us for making a horse’s ass out of ourselves in your name. It’s profane. I’ve been guilty of it too at times, and I’m so sorry. Thank you for your beauty and love and grace, and making us all an equally amazing part of this incredible life!!

    Jessica

  2. No wonder there are so many atheists out there! The twisting of our heavenly fathers words are punishable people! Our God has warned man to put their wives on a pedestal and OBEY her just like she is to obey him- NOT beat her or control her but to encourage her to be her best- are you people ignorant? READ your bibles the correct way and NOT twist words especially Gods words.

  3. I'm a Christian because I read the New Testament and take notice of what Jesus says and does in the gospels.
    That is why I find this site to be totally bizaar. This is a religious site so it has nothing to do with Christianity.

  4. Whoever wrote this article CLEARLY has no understanding of true Christian principles. Because the author of the “Submit your wives” article was being facetious with the title. Pagans today do not comprehend the meaning of submission, they think it is synonymous with oppression. True submission is letting go of your own selfish desires and learning to trust someone else, i.e. God or husband. It does not mean that a man gets to boss his wife around and the original author indicated nothing of the sort. He was poking fun at the modern use of “submission” and reminding us of the original, biblical use of the word. Yet another example of a liberal who can’t take a joke.

  5. My opinion, for what it's worth, is that if the meaning of the Bible is the gentle guidance mentioned here, that's fine. In many instances the men provided for their wives and family, protecting them from harm. Now however, too many men see this 'submissive or subjugate' and become autocratic and violent because it's their 'right'. Different interpretations.

  6. Am I the only one seeing the tongue in cheek humor and satire in the Title of the article? The article is basically about how husbands should consider giving up a huge part of their lives for their partner, anticipating their partners every need, and being super-considerate of their partner, and being an equal partner in the hope that some part of the favor might be returned. But it’s not guaranteed. Still the feminist responders claim that this is abuse and male domination. What do women want?

  7. no, pagans *fully* understand submission… remember, BDSM is an acceptable lifestyle in paganism. but here’s the difference, i submit to my partner, because he understands leadership, and i understand how to get shit done… he tells me “we need to get this order out in 3 days, but it’d normally take a week”, so i invest in a few cases of full throttle and monster, and i work 72 hours straight, without sleep, to get it out in 3 days with mere hours to spare. *that* is submission, what he says, goes, because he knows how to make it work, i know how to make it happen. he knows i’m a spendaholic, so i run major purchases by him, but my finances are my own to do with as i please. he knows what buttons to push to make me drop to my knees and beg… but not in the way you christians would drop to your knees and beg.

    you beg because your god says you are not worthy, because you are the reason mankind dies, your word is only valuable if a man backs it up, you are saved only if you’re a mother, you beg because your god and your husband say you are a failure by virtue of being a woman, your worth is based on everything the bible says you are and nothing more: property of your father or your husband, and for that reason you beg… you beg for mercy from your god, and from your husband when he is the one who does something wrong… i beg, because i am worthy, and am eager to please, to serve, to give anything and everything to see him smile… nothing more than that. his smile is more precious to me than your salvation is to you. you beg with your mouth open, desperate for forgiveness; i beg with mine open, because… well… that’s too graphic for your virgin ears.

    christian submission is “sit down, be silent in church, you have no authority over man, your job is to teach the women and children, and answer to your husband at home, because your husband knows best, because the bible says he does”.

    the difference between your submission and mine… is you would do anything for your husband, because your god demands it, and your husband takes advantage of it. i would do anything for my partner, because he deserves it.

    • You obey your husband because his sexual value is higher on the market then yours.

      I require woman to submit to me because I would love her to the point it crucifies me. But even Love, which is Christ, will not “penetrate” a heart made of stone, who is only looking for a social trophy that she can brag about to her “competition”.

      I would be suspicious of your submissivness and always ask myself “what does your ego have in it?”. “Bragging rights to whom?” “Of what about me?” “Can I ever permit to show you I am afraid to lose you?” “Will you consider Love as weakness and a sign of testosterone depleetion?”
      And knowing I am not perfect like God is, what then?! Stop caring and act devilish so you won’t ever get the impression I am weak? Corporal punish you for making me jealous and risk imprisonment? No!

      I would confrunt you and ask you to confess to me your wickedness, request that you stop bragging to people and to your self, and conceive children, and hand me the passwords of all your accounts to check your “progress” on the task I handed to you. I would reward your achievment and punish your short commings.
      That’s how you build character and keep ego under check.

      If you ware that submissive for no egotistical gain, your husband would have bragged about you. I bet you’re fat and ugly and that you score low on the sex market, and being submissive is your means of compensating, just like “dumping” – you’re cheaper quality but in larger quantities.
      How do I know?! You’re still playing the game here on this comment section.

      I’m sorry for your experiences with the church, but they are not the paragon of all virtues. Only Christ is holy. And probably if I ware molested by catholics as kid, I would have ended up like Marilyn Manson or Lady Gaga and give you the thumbs up.

      And to say the Bible was written by (bad) people and that we should follow the religion of man / heart as the “good people” of 1789, is plain humanism, and I had enough of that bullshit and I’m not going to slip in your comfort zone debating creationism over the evolution.. theory. I’m sure there are other means to prove you are smart.

      Your husband is not Christ. He will fail. All men do. When it occurs you should think in your wicked heart about submitting to him to please the Lord, so that you save your marriage. Otherwise you have nothing before me to brag about in this moment, and you are nothing but the sum of choices made for the sake of your convenience.

      * i’m not christian, I just know Christ and He is Lord! Christians persecute me as well because I confrunt them with the scriptures. My enemy is “ego”. And your’s was just the loudest this time.

  8. Yeah, you’re full of shit.

    sub·mis·sion

    səbˈmiSHən/Submit

    noun

    1.

    the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.

    “they were forced into submission”

    synonyms: yielding, capitulation, acceptance, consent, compliance

    “submission to authority”

    2.

    the action of presenting a proposal, application, or other document for consideration or judgment.

    “reports should be prepared for submission at partners’ meetings”

    synonyms: presentation, presenting, proffering, tendering, proposal, proposing

    “a report for submission to the Board”

    Obviously, you know nothing about the definition of submission. You’re just brainwashed. Just like a Republican.

  9. Men use the bible to use women end of story. It is a foolish woman who thinks a man reads the portion of scripture that says authority is servitude. Mathew 20:28. Or that he should be willing to die for his wife, that their wife is more important, they don’t consider it. Jesus Christ did not come down to earth to lift himself up arrogantly. Wake up women and don’t marry. These guys only marry you to see what they can get out of you. They do not submit to God, only themselves.

  10. This is the most craziest article on the Bible/women and submission. I am a Christian. I believe in what God has to say about submission: In a Christian home Christ is the center of it. The man is the leader in every aspect of the home, but he cannot be home all the time, therefore his wife has to be as up to snuff about what should happen as he is. He does not love her because he wants submission. The Bible says to love her as his own body, so he will not do anything to hurt her because it would be like hurting himself. The people in this article have set out to make Christian love and family something dirty and disgusting.

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