By Kerry-anne Mendoza | 26 March 2015
Addicting Info
A blog post by an American Christian missionary entitled “How To Make Your Wife Submit To Your Authority – 6 Tips” has gone viral around the world.
Written by Caleb Suko in August 2013 for his Suko Family blog, the post has resurfaced again recently as Christian men and women across the world share it as the perfect example of Christian marriage.
“Alright men here’s another post for you! Let’s not beat around the bush, the Bible commands our wives to submit to us!
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. Eph 5:22
Simple commands however are not always easy to follow and sometimes our wives need our help in learning to submit. Thankfully, I have a few good tips for you that will help your wife fulfill her Biblical role.”
So begins this worrying article.
The post exemplifies the insidiousness of this brand of Christian Conservative sexism – while the woman is notionally celebrated, she is simultaneously chastened.
Some of the tips are basic behaviors that would make any man or woman a great partner. The issue here is that instead of doing these things to elevate their wives, men are instructed to do them to subjugate their wives.
The most clear example would be Tip 1 – Become Her Friend. Anyone in a strong and intimate relationship knows this is a winner:
“Make sure she knows that you value her companionship, find ways to relax together and engage her in heartfelt conversation.” Suko writes.
But for Suko, the reason to become her best friend is not simply to edify her, but to make submission easier.
“It will be easier and more pleasant for her to submit to you as a friend than for her to submit to you as a harsh master!”
Anyone, subjected to slavery, would choose a kind master over a harsh. But whether your master is harsh or fair, you are still a slave.
Another tip instructs men to serve their wives:
“When you come through that door after work don’t automatically expect that your wife has waited all day to run circles around you and make sure you are comfortable and well fed.”
A wonderful concept – neither partner should ever take the other’s presence for granted, particularly when a decision has been made that one partner is primarily responsible for the home, and the other for generating income. However, this really doesn’t need to be gendered – and we sure as hell shouldn’t be serving our partner just so they better serve us.
The responses from men and women to the blog are equally concerning, for those inside and outside of the Christian community. All point to the submitted wife as the optimal state for the relationship.
Some men feel they are the channel of God himself in the home:
Another user helpfully points out that husbands should also be ‘encouraging’ their wives to have the right sort of friends:
The next response, from a self-declared pastor, compares women to children.
All these behaviors are ultimately about maintaining male dominance over women.
I have no doubt that these men want to dominate their wives in the kindest, most compassionate way they can – but it is still domination. True partnership rests on equality – equal autonomy, respect and support.
The Power and Control wheel below outlines the kinds of behaviors used by abusive partners to emotionally or physically dominate. Several of the tips in the blog, and the comments in response, fall into the left side of the circle. The problem is, the kinds of flowery language and loving tones used in articles like Suko’s leave people blind to the underlying issue – patriarchal control of women.
But one thing should ring alarm bells in our minds here: the title of the article and the opening lines.
The post is not called “6 Ways To Be A Fabulous Husband,” or “How To Make Sure Your Wife Knows She Is Loved.”
No.
It is called “How To Make Your Wife Submit To Your Authority.”
These men are not seeking to stand next to their wives, but over them. These posts are everywhere, as this simple Google search will attest. Wives being sent to their rooms like children, tips for “training” your woman, men demanding nothing less than complete submission by their female partners – it’s all out there.
The Apartheid-style rules enforced by this brand of Christianity bind men and women into arbitrary and unhelpful roles, and reinforce the most dangerous behaviors in heterosexual relationships. These are the same rules that the Christian Conservative/Evangelical wing of the U.S. Republican party are now working to turn into legislation – making “God’s law” federal law. These groups are busily working the most repressive interpretations of Christian law into the American legal system, and it’s on all liberal, progressive Americans to stop them.
Kerry-anne Mendoza is an independent journalist. She is well known for investigative reports on politics, economics and social policy and is author of Amazon best-seller “Austerity: The Demolition of the Welfare State and the Rise of the Zombie Economy”.
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Ok…whoever put this article together obviously has another agenda
The twist at the end toward politics is the giveaway. I’m sure someone did write this because of the way they believe. But when we start trying to take away someone’s right to believe a certain way, we are ultimately taking away freedom as a whole.
Christian men forget themselves. There are no levels of abuse acceptable in marriage. Sending wives back into abuse makes you an accomplish and connects you to what he is doing to his wife. Domestic Violence includes everything men go through in prison except being tag-teamed. Will they be the Christian leaders who are telling God how many men they brought them? It Matters because just like any crime in society, it matters how it happened. I am blasting the internet far and wide of your accepted levels of abuse and how you handle it. Your job just got harder because I see millions of women around the world standing up against your wrong teaching. In the last day all things will come too light, the world is watching you now and laughing. The world will now judge you before you stand before God and He won’t let you hang your head in Shame! I am sure you will be required to look him straight in the eye as he deals with you and your acceptable levels! Violence in any form against mankind is an assault against God! Your Helping him assault God! Women are running from you now, and just quit my Baptist church. Now my job is to inform every woman I meet and tell them about your policies and acceptable level. You can all congratulate Paige Pattern for splitting your doors wide open to the world. I have become a running expert and teaching other women how to run from you! I am waking them up to what God really taught. What's so funny you let a man of sin, the pope stand up for women.