By Travis Haan | 18 March 2010
The Wise Sloth
10. The Bible teaches you that you’re a bad person.
Isaiah 64:6-7 says, “All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away. No one calls on your name or strives to lay hold of you; for you have hidden your face from us and have given us over to our sins.”
The Bible teaches you that you suck, and you have to spend the rest of your life making it up to your disappointing God-parent and hope he doesn’t shoot you in the head anyway. That’s a crippling guilt trip that doesn’t have to exist.
9. The Bible teaches you that you’re a good person.
The Bible teaches that if you take part in Christianity’s indoctrination rituals, they will transform you into a higher form of life who deserves eternal peace and joy. That might not be such a bad thing, but since the Bible also teaches you that you’re a bad person, it teaches contradicting messages. You’ll experience anxiety and stress as you try to come to terms with this and many other riddles in the Bible.
8. The Bible teaches you that everyone else is bad.
John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, so that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.”
Everyone else is so evil and depraved that they deserve to be tortured for all of eternity. This isn’t an accurate assessment of reality. That matters, because it sets Christians up to pass judgment on sinners and nonbelievers. Christians have killed people because of this.
7. It teaches you that your self-worth is based on believing in a story.
The determining factor between what makes someone deserve to burn for eternity and what makes someone deserve paradise for eternity is believing in a story. Believing in a story doesn’t have anything to do with anything. That’s not a valid factor to determine anyone’s self-worth by. This is a warped perception of reality that sets up Christians to judge and hurt others at worst and sets them up to waste their fleeting lives chasing fairy tales.
6. The Bible teaches psychotic morals that you’re not going to follow anyway.
Most Christians don’t want sell their daughters into slavery, beat adulterers to death with rocks, give away everything they own or avoid wearing clothes with mixed fabric. So they ignore the rules they don’t like, but they’re set up to feel guilty about it. And they have to come to terms psychologically with the fact that they’re committing acts of evil in complete disregard for the threat of Hell. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
5. The Bible teaches you to repress your sex drive.
Humans are sexual creatures, and that’s good, because having sex ensures the survival and evolution of the species. That’s why sex feels so good. If God designed us, then God designed us to crave and enjoy sex. That rule was written into our DNA by God. It’s a commandment written in God’s own handwriting….
Yet the Bible tells us that lust is evil. We should feel ashamed for wanting sex, and we should kill people who have too much of it. This is not a sane perception of reality. It’s a crippling guilt trip and a recipe for deep rooted anxiety.
4. The Bible discourages critical thought.
The corner stone of sanity is critical thought. The Bible commands you to turn that part of your mind off. I’ve heard a lot of Christians argue that the Bible commands you to think logically, but that’s rubbish.
From beginning to end the Bible constantly stresses the importance of faith. The definition of faith is “belief without proof.” Jesus even criticizes the disciple Thomas for asking to see his wounds after he returned from the dead. Today, anytime a Christian has a lapse in faith they’re called a “doubting Thomas.”
Doubt isn’t immoral. Doubt is the door to truth. Faith is close-minded, wilful ignorance. Anytime anyone tells you it’s immoral to question their authority, you can be sure you’re being manipulated.
Since the Bible claims to be the word of God and constantly stresses the importance of faith, a lot of Christians have extrapolated those two facts to come to the conclusion that the Bible has all the answers you’ll ever need in life and is the only book you’ll ever need to read. This would be unhealthy even if we said “Everything you need to know about life you’ll learn in school.” It’s even more crippling to believe that about one archaic book.
3. The Bible teaches false science and false history.
The Bible teaches false science and false history beginning on page one. Believing things that aren’t true is the definition of insanity. If you believe the Bible you will believe things that aren’t true, and that will make you automatically, by-definition, insane.
Understanding science and history is important, because it’s the bedrock of your understanding of life. In order to survive and thrive in the real world, you need to know how the world really works.
2. Prayer only accomplishes one thing.
The Bible teaches that if you believe in Yahweh with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind then you’ll have the power to move mountains. God is listening, and He has the power and the motivation to give you guidance and create personal miracles for you.
That’s not how reality works. Wishing and begging an imaginary friend doesn’t accomplish anything. Your prayers aren’t going to be answered, and when they’re not, you’re going to have to come up with an excuse to explain the disconnect between your expectations and reality. You’re also going to waste valuable time that could be spent on growing and solving your own problems.
1. The Bible teaches you to believe in imaginary beings.
You will believe in a mysterious God who loves blood so much that He came to Earth as a mortal to die for it. Yet He hates women’s menstrual cycles. You’ll believe in an evil tyrant who lives in a lake of fire and plots against you all day for no reason. You’ll believe in invisible minions who serve both of these characters. You’ll believe in super powers and magic. You’ll believe in an invisible universe just around the corner from our own just as fantastical as Narnia or Middle Earth, and you’ll be so convinced of your delusions that you’ll believe anyone who doesn’t accept this fantasy is insane. That’s insane. Living like that is a waste of your potential.
Reprinted with permission from the author.
Travis Haan is the editor of The Wise Sloth blog. The Wise Sloth contains editorial, philosophical, instructional, inspirational and satirical posts in the form of essays, lists, comics, and fiction, which tend to be irreverent, humorous and controversial.
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